First Doctor

William Hartnell
Played the part well,
But the enigmatic figure he presented
Was largely on account of his character’s back story having not yet been invented.

Second Doctor

Patrick Troughton
Was more way out; on
Assuming the role he exchanged his predecessor’s patrician stuffiness
For a more light-hearted, bohemian sort of scruffiness.

Third Doctor

Jon Pertwee
Always wore a frilly shirt. We
Loved it when he'd go
‘Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!’
Fourth Doctor

Tom Baker
Had a costume designer who thought she’d make a
That was too long for him by a factor of nineteen and a half.

Fifth Doctor

Peter Davison
Had good reason to be grave; his un-
Deniable charm was often wasted on stories that were crap,
Poor chap. 

Sixth Doctor

Colin Baker
Was a casting mistake; a
Sheet of blank A4 could convey an
Appreciably better Gallifreyan.

Seventh Doctor

Sylvester McCoy
Has always tended to annoy,
Although that thing he used to do on the Ken Campbell Roadshow with ferrets
Had its merits. 

Eighth Doctor

Paul McGann
Was chosen as the programme’s leading man
For its transformation
Into a Hollywood abomination.

Ninth Doctor

Christopher Eccleston
Can’t be short of a few shekels; done
With the series for good, it would appear, he was the only former star who said no
To appearing on the fiftieth anniversary show.

Tenth Doctor

David Tennant
Raised another Scottish pennant,
But elected to suppress his native West Lothian lilt
And not wear a kilt.

Eleventh Doctor

Matt Smith
Was blessed with
The ability to seem both long in the tooth
And a youth.

capaldi who

Twelfth Doctor

Peter Capaldi
Has just been installed; he
Could turn out to be fantastic if equipped
With the odd decent script.

Rob Stuart

If you have any comments on these poems, Rob Stuart would be pleased to hear from you.