Instructions for the organiser
of this year’s sponsored event



You’re the main man; the clipboard’s in your hand.
You must know how many complete who began,
so do a head-count at the start and end.

If any get lost, arrested, run over,
pushed off the cliff, or fed up and go home,
You’re the main man; the clipboard’s in your hand.

Last year, no one put forward this diktat;
they found, at the finish, the money was short,
so do a head-count at the start and end.

The time before that, the counting was out, cops
combed the circuit for boys pseudo-lost
You’re the main man; the clipboard’s in your hand.

Bad news before that. An old man drowned.
No one noticed – they’d counted out but not in,
so do a head-count at the start and end.

About the first year, everyone keeps shtum.
Pear shapes weren’t in it, so much went wrong.
You’re the main man; the clipboard’s in your hand,
so do a head-count at the start and end.

E. A. M. Harris

If you have any comments on this poem, E. A. M. Harris would be pleased to hear from you.