May Hera Help Us
Zeus and Hera by Annibale Carracci
Daughter of Cronus and Rhea
Sister and wife to old Zeus
Hera’s gone and got gonorrhea
Wearing her toga too loose.
With shrines at Argos and elsewhere
Patroness of all Argonauts
This goddess so famous for jealous
Ties Zeus and his balls up in knots.
Let us speak for a moment for Romans
Who borrowed their gods from the Greeks
Their Juno’s no doormat for no man
Her Jupiter sleeps up a creek.
They’re all low-lifes, that lot from Olympus
They engage in ungodly affairs
And the games that they play with mere mortals
Trump the cruelest of truths and worst dares.
Hip, hip, hooray for old family values
Whether mortal or godlike on high
When old money moves in, they find the best views
For watching the pie fight, for stealing the pie!
If you have any thoughts on this poem, Peggy Landsman would be pleased to hear them.