Film Critic 2 - This Time it's Personal

The World Is Not Enough

After his failure to become a New Man,
Bond is resurgent at his laddish best.
The girls are cannon fodder for a true man.
He snaps his fingers and they get undressed.

But though Bond is - as usual - invincible
A woman makes the good guys risk their necks.
All of which goes to show at least in principle
The world is not enough for either sex.

Inspector Gadget

Hollywood Follywood,
Inspector Gadget, his
Head sprouts with rotors, he
Soars through the sky.
But if I said that this
Film had a heart I'd be
Telling a lie.


you hear a rational voice
but you're going down

following the probe on its umbilical

to where the imploded stern
stands in a car -boot sale
of broken furniture, plates and cutlery

or round to the Edwardian fastidiousness
of the Captin's quarters
his bathtub forever overflowing
his cut-throat razor scuttling on the deck

the massive hulk of Europe 1912
collapsing on itself
as anaerobic bacteria
extract its iron

a Balkans of a ship
washing away its hostages
a steam-powered coffin
with the lid half-off

if you wanted to save the century
you'd have to heal this broken back
you'd have to haul this skeleton
to unachievable New York

you'd have to start the dancing
in the ballroom, equipped like an embassy,
where now a gold and crystal chandelier
swings in a cold Atlantic surge.

Muppets in Space

Gonzo is scheduled for exploratory
Brain-sucking surgery. A slew
Of rats escape the rat laboratory.
We wish our brains were sucked out, too.

Andie McDowell, movie in-jokes,
Some cameos by well-known faces,
Disguise the bankruptcy of thin jokes,
The wit as empty as deep space is.

The whole is squeaky clean and sanitary.
The muppets squawk and make a flap.
This slice of nonsense interplanetary
Is ended with a song that's crap.


If you've any comments on his poems, K.M. Payne would be pleased to hear from you.

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