You stumble and you leer (a drunk being witty)
Whilst round you people slowly lose their smiles;
Their body language shows they think you're shitty.
Who took the film? Are these his videofiles?
Now we're in hospital - and this ain't pretty:
It's last year's operation on your piles.
Can things get worse than this? Yes! Omigod!
A bedroom scene! And that's your naked bod!

With horror you recall the place of shame,
That hotel bedroom where you never slept.
A camera must have lurked behind the frame
Of that grand mirror. Randy, crude, inept,
You tried to make your partner feel the flame
Of passion that burnt you. You failed. You wept.
And now it's all replayed as bedroom farce.
The screen fills with a close-up of your arse.

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